Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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