That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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