he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
