Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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