dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
