maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
