There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
