the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
