I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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