dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
