He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
