He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
