I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
