I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize