just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
