mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Princesses don't give blow jobs
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
