dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
