Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
