My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
