Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize