The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
