So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
