You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
