i think my tv is drunk
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
