I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
