I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
