I just saw a hot homeless man
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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