i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
