But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
