Yo dont text me then not text me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
