Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
