Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dignity is for republicans.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
