they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
