this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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