so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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