Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
