Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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