oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
