the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
