dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
