Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
