why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
