Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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