At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
