My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
