Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish my penis had a tongue
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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