i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
