Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
