I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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