guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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