I'm really into asian looking animals
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
