tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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