It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
