so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
