Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
