I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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