I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
