Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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