he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
