She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
