Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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