is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
