Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
