Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
