How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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