I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
