I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My ass is underappreciated
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
