Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize