I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
