I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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