u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
