after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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