sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
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I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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