When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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