If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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