You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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