he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
