genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
