i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
