My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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